On Distance, a Prayer from John Baillie, and Responding with Love Later
A Note from Me
Yesterday my son said something that lit a fuse inside me. The anger rose so fast that before I even knew what I was doing, words flew out that I wish I wouldn’t have said.
In these kinds of moments, the emotions feel stronger than me. Too strong to manage, too strong to love from inside of.
Even after decades of formation, I can’t always react rightly. This is frustrating—I wish I were further along. But there is no shortcut. Christlikeness is reached the way any road is walked: one step at a time.
So in the meantime, when anger flares, I lean on a simple technique—distance: an hour, a night’s sleep, sometimes more. Once the fire cools, I can reflect, I can respond better. I can see myself, the other person, and the situation more clearly. Then I can return steadier, able to respond with more love—hopefully more like Christ.
It doesn’t erase the internal eruption I feel in the moment, but it does give me a chance to not to erupt on the person!
And maybe this is part of a developing holiness—not perfection in every reaction, but patience with ourselves while God keeps shaping us to react well. The saints remind us that even small irritations are teachers if we stay with them long enough. Perhaps one day my internal reactions will change.
But for now, distance feels like a grace.
A Voice from the Past
“Teach me, O God, to use all the circumstances of my life today to nurture the fruits of the Spirit rather than the fruits of sin.
Let me use disappointment as material for patience;
Let me use success as material for thankfulness;
Let me use anxiety as material for perseverance;
Let me use danger as material for courage;
Let me use criticism as material for learning;
Let me use praise as material for humility;
Let me use pleasures as material for self-control;
Let me use pain as material for endurance.”
—John Baillie, A Diary of Private Prayer
A Question to Carry
What strong emotion from this week would you like to revisit with someone today?
Grace and patience conquer all,
—Jon
Jon, I sometimes wonder if the 'formation' industry should drop the word 'formation'. I wonder if it's become too cliche, too impersonal, too mechanical. Becoming more like Jesus or similar is more relational, more explicit in some ways ... it's clear that getting to know Jesus is important to becoming more like him, 'dwelling in Christ' as the title of your book states.
I wonder if we should start a movement to stop using 'formation' ... in my mind, 'formation' has lost it's power it merely being a buzzword for a movement that perhaps now needs to move to being more personal just like Jesus is. Yes, I know it's in our nature to 'define' something but one of the wonders of Jesus is he kinda didn't, he loved and loved some more while being with Father and people, allowing Holy Spirit to work through him as he did so.